i just had sex bonerless
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
