He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
