who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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