Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
