I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize