They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize