So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
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My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
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Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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