Where is the hickey?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
