there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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