Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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