I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
