I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
