The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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