I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
