I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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