I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he puts the penis in happiness.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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