I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I believe in your delicious
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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