There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
