His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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