Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
