i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
