u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
