Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
