and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
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She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
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I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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