you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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