theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We are two peas in an std pod
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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