well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
