i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
