I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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