You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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