Banned from zoo.
Again?
if only i could text you this smell
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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