Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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