He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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