he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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