then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
