I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
