she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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