fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
