he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
