Just fell off a train. Bad.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
