Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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