READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
