her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
