I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
