Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My liver just had a heart attack.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My dad just said "fuck circus"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
