After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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