Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
