i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
