His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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