what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
