when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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