apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
