found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
