Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
