so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I need to calm my uterus...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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