i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
