I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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