So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
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