I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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