i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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