i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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