I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
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Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize