I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.