Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
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my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
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Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint