just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool