He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
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You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
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He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me