SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.