when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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