Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
