Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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