Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
