Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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