Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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