Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I will be naked everywhere
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
