The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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