look no pants
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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