our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
